(bethlehem mosque: canon 20d)

very tough but remarkable week away in HMP Cardiff working with Lifers who volunteered for the restorative justice victim awareness week. Feelings are raw, rich and real but are all slightly tangled right now… will communicate better when the dust has settled a little.

(beauty: canon 30d)

The most beautiful of humans sent me this: I will not be a tourist in the world of images, just watching images passing by which I cannot live in, make love to, posses as permanent sources of joy and ecstasy.

(the blurred road less travelled: iphone)

When I consider…the small space I occupy and which I see swallowed up in the infinite immensity of the spaces of which I know nothing and which know nothing of me, I take fright and am amazed to see myself here rather than there, now rather than then. Who put me here?

Pascal

listen in the margins to the big issues

(bulldozed homes, west bank: canon 20d)

…. war is the answer, it must be a very stupid question.

(a pip-ism, wake up and go to love, not to work: canon 30d)

Do a job you love and you’ll never work again.

(new horizons: canon 30d)

A wise man once said to me that there were many paths to follow in this life, but when you find the path of heart as opposed to the path of convenience, well it’s a good path to be on. I watched on You Tube, in the wee small hours of the morning, part of an old programme on reconciliation with Desmond Tutu , and being exposed to his humility, wisdom, energy and profound sense of what it means to be both a spiritual and human being has brought me to a border of maybes. There is something about borderlines; that place of decision, of something new – the unknown, the chance to begin again. I have always believed that borders embrace hope…they allow us to reach out beyond ourselves. The chance I suppose to embrace faith in some way – the environment where faith in humankind can manifest itself once more.

Some maybes are precious – they take you to the edge, and although you don’t go over you become richer for the maybe. The maybe leaves you at the place of choice and consequence, revealing the different textures in life. I suppose it’s this juxtaposition which makes it apparent. Some maybes don’t go away – one must learn how to manage them day to day. On one hand I have come a long way, and I should draw strength from that. Yet in many ways I am no farther forward, just farther along. There is a horizon before me, which holds uncharted territory; and the question remains, what am I to be?

(gethsemane: canon 20d)

We are all fundamentally the same. we all belong to a common, broken humanity. We all have wounded and vulnerable hearts. Each one of us needs to feel appreciated and understood; in truth, we all need help.

But here’s the secret, i see more clearly now that those who are weak and broken and in need have a secret power to touch hearts and bring us together into mutual belonging, whatever our background…i think i have said this before, but i don’t mind saying it again; the strength in Christianity is found in the fragrance of gethsemane and calvary…not pentecost

(the wilderness of the Christ: canon 20d)

My God moment this morning…

All of my life I’ve held on to this fear
These thistles and vines ensnare and entwine
What flowers appeared
It’s the fear that I’ll fall one too many times
It’s the fear that His love is no better than mine

(Andrew Peterson)

(two pillars of justice: canon 20d)

I have been reflecting through most of the night, went to bed early for me on a Friday night (the very fact it was still Friday and not Saturday morning). I woke at 2.48am and didn’t sleep again ’til gone 6am. My mind and heart racing, longing, confused, hopeful and worn (there’s my 5 words Pip). Anyhow talking of Pip I nipped to his blog and came across this:

Would love to know what you think
and feel – even more vital!!

Feelings are signals
Feelings are good
Pains are signals
Pains are good

We would be in a real mess without them …………….

How very true…even in our mess now, our mess without them would be worse – I mean imagine not feeling? As the remarkable Nick Cave suggests, that ‘people often talk about being scared of change, but for me I’m more afraid of things staying the same. ‘Cause the game is never won by standing in one place for too long.’

A year ago today I returned from Palestine, and I have to say that since then I have struggled to be comfortable because of my feelings; feelings that were born from seeing the apartheid of the West Bank and Gaza. To squirm around the edges isn’t possible anymore. The scars will last forever…

We never see the moon without the promise of the sun though, do we?

Everyday now I have to facilitate feelings – my life now is restorative justice, whether it be in prison, schools, probation, police, youth justice, action for children or the courts – there we bring victims and offenders together to look at harm caused to people, what harmers were feeling and thinking as they robbed, assaulted or abused others… the outcome and healing with reparation is remarkable. It does though leave me uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel like a gardener whose own garden is a shit heap, a builder who can’t seem to sort his own house out. Does this make sense?

Jeff Halper seems to capture my feelings with some words he penned a while back about the place I returned from last year. He says that, ‘It is a process, a continual struggle. But it is a necessary step toward redeeming an unjust past, underpinned by notions of restorative and transformative justice, and, of course human rights. Only through such a restorative process can normalisation be achieved.’

indeed.